I’m over the moon to say that I achieved my Terrain 1 hillwalking permit earlier this month!
In the weeks before my assessment, imposter syndrome REALLY kicked in and tried to persuade me that I was not good enough. This got to the point that on the morning of my assessment I was so close to calling up my assessor to say; “I’m so sorry, I think this will be a waste of your time. Let’s cancel”. I had to remind myself that I had a full log book of hillwalking and that I had survived my first-ever solo hike and wild camp (read the blog here) on Dartmoor in the summer so I was just as ready as anyone.
I had a few pinch-me moments as we progressed through the assessment on the Brecons when my navigation successfully took me to small rock features, a contour line, and within 100 meters of a dried-up water feature that no longer existed in real life.
As we neared the end of the assessment, I felt some internal shock at the realisation that I might have actually done it — note that; despite successfully answering questions and completing both micro and macro nav, I still was doubting myself.
In a world where there are so many obstacles as it is, I need to stop adding to them. I don’t know if it’s some kind of wall I’m putting up before the other obstacles can even have a chance of getting to me, or if I just had major imposter syndrome.
Nonetheless, I proved myself wrong and showed my assessor that my skills were great enough for him to pass me. He didn’t need proving and kept reminding me “I know you know this” when clearly my face was looking rather panic-stricken when he asked me a question or asked me to do something that I did indeed know.
“I know you know this” will now and forever be my new life motto.
I have the skills and abilities, I need to have more faith in them.
I’m a very chuffed Abi.
A big thanks to my mum (featured in the picture) who came out on my practice runs and dealt with my grumpiness when my nav didn’t always go to plan!